I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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