you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
