well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
