i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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