Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
