I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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