you mean i was at the winter classic?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
