Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
