I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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