Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I enjoy the company of your penis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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