MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
