She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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