So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
