You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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