Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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