I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
