Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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