I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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