I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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