Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
