Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
