So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
