Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
