So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
