He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
