i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
