Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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