Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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