I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
