i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
