I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
