M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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