Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
