between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize