There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
