We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.