She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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