So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
