if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
