operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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