I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
