Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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