I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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