Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
