you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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