I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
