I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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