Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
