im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
