That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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