but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
