sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
