you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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