I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
