oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
