It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
