I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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