Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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