We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
