Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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