did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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