I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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