just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
