Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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