Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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