I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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