your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
