Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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