u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
