What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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