he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
