i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
