apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
