Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
