Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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