I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
