Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
