I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Houston, we have a squirter
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
